


like i am breathing

by nimery



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst and Fluff and Smut, Battle Olympia, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Post-Anime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:47:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27222205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nimery/pseuds/nimery
Summary: After discovering that he's lost the ability to use his Nen, Gon decides to train back up to where he was slowly—a decision that takes him back to Heaven's Arena.He spends a few years getting stronger, and is able to make it all the way to the top, becoming one of the floor masters. He takes this opportunity to reunite with old friends, and invites Killua to come see him fight at Battle Olympia.Old feelings do not die easily, and sometimes even come rushing back from parts of you you didn't know existed.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Zushi, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 87





	like i am breathing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CielPhantomhive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CielPhantomhive/gifts).



> Title from "A Little Death" by the Neighborhood which has made me want to write something for so long and only now have I thought "big beds in heaven's arena" so here we are.
> 
> Dedicated to CielPhantomhive because 1) she asked and 2) she's the mvp who played sex songs while I was writing the smut at the end.

Whenever he got the chance, which wasn’t often, Gon looked up in the sky and tried to find an airship. It was getting late, and Battle Olympia would be over soon. Standing in the wings, he had a decent view of the ring where Zushi was currently hammering punches into his opponent's solar plexus. Surrounding the two Floor Masters, the audience was on their feet, screaming out names or just screaming as the spirit moved them, as the aura on Zushi's opponent fluctuated with each punch. Gon was familiar with this move and knew it was a bitch to deal with, considering that they had been training together for around ten years or so. He had seen Zushi's Hatsu mature into what it was now, and never really managed to get a grasp on it.

The other Floor Master's aura—Gon was certain his name was Jodo—twisted achingly as Zushi continued to hammer away, their fight cast in shades of yellow and light purple as their Hatsu spiked with each blow. Gon knew the announcement of Zushi's success would come soon, watching the way Jodo's body was starting to flinch away from the blows, from the way his aura was slowly fading as the punches landed more and more often. Over the loudspeaker, Coco was yelling along with each move, commenting on Zushi's punishing rain of punches in her usual excited manner.

Gon pulled his arm over himself, stretching while his eyes wandered back toward the window. The sunset was turning a bruised purple, and the lights of the city glistened brilliantly down below. There'd be no way to see an airship with the dying of the light, so he turned away and brought his attention back before him. His last round was next, and would be the last for the first day, where he'd be going against an Emitter named Einde. He'd seen a few of her matches, and she always seemed more interested in the theater of it then in the murder, which he appreciated because it guaranteed them having a good clean fight. His calf still hurt from when his opponent had tried to tear his leg off this morning. He glanced down, noticed a bit of a bruise forming there. Not a problem, really. It wouldn't impede him.

As Zushi landed his final, aura-twisting blow, Jodo collapsed down and from as far as he was from the ring, Gon could still hear Zushi's triumphant cry of "osu." As he had done for the past ten years, and Gon had no doubt, would continue to do for at least ten more.

The crowd erupted once more as Zushi was announced as the winner of the battle; his image flashed up on the screen, camera showing him with his arms out at his sides and a serious expression on his face. He marched from the ring down the stairs and to the wings, where Gon had told him he'd be waiting.

Only when Gon came into sight did Zushi reveal his grin, holding a fist aloft in victory. His knuckles were a little red and cracked, and he had a nice shiner forming around his eye from a hit Jodo got on him early in the fight, but apart from that he was largely uninjured.

"Good fight," Gon said, face splitting into a grin. He was glad for Zushi's victory, of course, but as always, after years of fighting both in and out of Heaven's Arena, Gon still felt that rush of reckless excitement when he was about to go against someone strong. And Zushi, Gon knew, was also familiar with this feeling in him, as anyone who had fought with him for longer than perhaps an hour would know.

"And I'm looking forward to yours as well, Gon! You were having trouble creating a strong defense, weren't you?" It was obvious, from the way his lips trembled, that Zushi was having trouble holding back his laugh at the comment, and Gon rolled his eyes, shrugging it off.

"Whatever, demon Hatsu," he said. "From what I've seen, Einde won't manipulate my aura into being weak at the points I'm blocking with."

"Dirty, but effective," Zushi said, as though defending himself. The two fighters made their way out of the preparation room and toward the green room, which was specifically for the Floor Masters before and after their fights. There wasn't much to the room, but there was a vending machine and a few couches scattered about. A few of the other floor masters were lounging about, and their attentions discreetly slid to and from the door as Gon and Zushi entered. Zushi was still in his fighting _gi_ , stretching his arms behind him to loosen up. Gon was still in a pair of rolled up sweats and a tank top, which he knew Zushi had secretly disapproved of, but then again, Zushi believed the pinnacle of fighting was Shingen-ryu, devoted student as he was.

They got a few snacks, to tide them through Battle Olympia's interlude, and set themselves down on a couch near the door, so they too could see who was coming and going.

The top of the can popped as Zushi opened it; sparkling water fizzed inside the can like an electric buzz. He knocked a good gulp back.

"That reminds me," Zushi said, holding the can on his knee while Gon gently peeled open a fruit leather. "How many people did you invite here again?"

Gon thought about it for a moment. "Ten."

"Seen anyone?"

"It was kind of hard to miss Knuckle," Gon laughed. "Front row, big banner, sobbing man with a pompadour."

Zushi nodded sagely. "Oh yes, I remember him."

"I haven't seen anyone else, but Leorio messaged me after my first match saying I did a good job. He's here with Kurapika somewhere near the top row. He sent a picture." In that picture, Gon recalled, Leorio was grinning widely, holding up a peace sign that also (surprisingly) showcased a platinum band gleaming on his ring finger (although Leorio had told him nothing about a possible engagement, which probably meant Kurapika was the one to ask) and Kurapika, in the background, was looking down towards what Gon assumed was the fight. He was sure Kurapika had a new scar over his eyebrow, even though he'd only just saw him a week ago.

"Any word from...?" Zushi stumbled anxiously off the question as he took a small slurp of his drink. Gon tore off a bit of the fruit leather as he shook his head.

"No. I don't... I think he'll be here. I hope he will, but I'm afraid he won't." Gon swallowed heavily. It _had_ been ten years since he'd even last seen Killua. He knew Killua had been busy; he'd been busy too. He didn't know if that justified how little they'd talked. Small messages that would pop up on his phone from time to time, to which he would reply with fervor.

Sometimes months would pass between messages, sometimes years. Last time was a week ago, when Gon was letting everyone know about Battle Olympia. Killua hadn't responded, and Gon wasn't even sure he'd seen it.

He could hope though, as though hoping was enough.

Zushi slammed the rest of his sparkling water and crumpled the can in his hand, tossing it at the waste bin at the other side of the room. It rolled around the rim before falling in.

"Nice," Gon muttered obligatorily, snapping out of his Killia-induced stupor.

"Well," Zushi said, throwing his arms over the back of the couch. "If he doesn't show up, remember everyone else who did." Gon nodded. He was right. Even if Killua didn't show up, Knuckle did, as did Leorio and Kurapika. His friends were here and loud and supportive, but that fact alone did not quell the gnawing ache he felt in his chest and the pit of his stomach.

Zushi was right, but the thought of Killua not being there still hurt.

The intercom in the green room buzzed to life, and Gon stood, taking another bite out of the fruit leather.

A tired voice washed over the room. "Alright, Gon, Einde, please head to the ring. Everyone else is welcome to retire for the night or whatever." And then the sound turned off with a click. The announcement was probably from Clint, Heaven's Arena's intern. Gon had heard something earlier about morning classes that explained the taut gravel of his voice.

"Good luck! I'll be in the stands watching," Zushi said with a smile and a wave, which Gon reciprocated, as he headed for the door. He tossed the fruit leather wrapper in the trash on his way out.

* * *

The arena lights burned brightly on the ring. Gon stretched his arms while he waited for the signal to start. Across from him, Einde rolled her head, relaxing her shoulders. She looked at him with determined eyes that promised a good fight.

Overhead, Coco was introducing them both to the crowd.

"An unstoppable force versus an immoveable object, folks! Which will win? Let's hear your thoughts!"

Gon could imagine her sweeping gesture toward the screen as his and Einde's pictures illuminated the screens. The bets popped up under them, and it seemed the audience found Gon favorable.

Einde frowned at the screen, though they both knew why the audience had voted that way. Gon was big and regularly pummeled the people who challenged him, while Einde was more slight and presented herself like a sorceress. She had been close to losing her floor a few times after a few abilities she had problems with, but Gon knew they were equally matched. While he had made himself as strong as he possibly, Gon knew better than to underestimate her just because she wasn't also "strong." She was fast and smart, though she had a tendency to laugh and smirk like a villain in an old TV show.

"Our Floor Masters are ready!" Coco shouted. "Let the match begin!"

Einde jumped to the edge of the ring immediately as Gon snapped on his Ten. From the folds of her fluttering cloak, glowing blue arms shot out towards him, gripping for his arms and legs to bind him. They clasped on easily to his Ten, so he dropped it and rolled sideways out of their reach.

The arms followed him, twisting and arching to grab hold. Gon activated his Ten again in case they were able to. He'd seen what happened when someone had been bound without the protection of their aura, and it wasn't great. Gon didn't feel like treating 2nd degree burns tonight.

Einde hadn't moved yet, staying in place and watching as Gon tried to evade her Nen. A part of him sparked with annoyance at that. He needed to do something to make her start running too.

Gon, after having got the slightest distance between himself and the hands, turned quickly on his heel and charged up a blast of Jajanken, setting it off just before the hands reached him. They curled up, shriveling away from the blast and sparking a cold grey. Einde's eyes narrowed, and Coco was still scream-narrating their actions as Gon turned his attention back to Einde.

"Well, well, well," she said in a loud, clear voice. "So you've evaded me thus far, you've done much better than other fights I've had lately."

"Thank you," he replied happily.

"But this string of luck will come to an end, Gon, and I will overcome you. This match will come down to how long you can run from me! And I have it on good confidence that it won't be for long."

"Well, I'm looking forward to seeing who gives up first," he said.

Einde's eyes narrowed at him, and with a Nen whip cascading from her hand, she beckoned him forward.

" _En garde, monsieur_!"

Gon grinned and activated scissors. The long, bright yellow Nen blade extended from his fingers, and he raced toward her.

She flicked her wrist; the whip curled and struck out toward him. He raised his arm, and the thick of the aura curled around him. It was hot against his skin, but thanks to his own shield, the feeling was dimmed. He pulled, drawing the whip toward him, but his plan fell through when Einde released and remade the aura, taking a slight step backwards to regain her footing. Gon continued his advance.

Einde struck out at him again, aiming at his legs, and he jumped, letting his Nen propel him higher as he cleared the length of the whip. She withdrew it as he flew towards her, the moment accented by Coco over the intercom.

"And he's airborne! What will Einde do to stop Gon from getting a strike on her?"

The whip faded once more, and Einde held her hands above her as her infamous Beehive Shield sparkled into being between them. Gon landed on it and immediately began feeling the heat of her Nen start stinging his hands and knees.

"Feeling heated up there, Gonny?"

"Nothing too bad! Thanks for the concern, Einny!"

That was, of course, why she called it a Beehive, apart from the hexagonal shapes in the shield, the shield itself was so unbearably hot that even with a strong protective layer of Ten, one would risk getting burned by it.

Gon stood as solidly as he could, steadying himself on the surface. He powered up his attack.

" _Saisho guu._ " His aura began swirling around his fist as he wound it back. Below him, beneath the hazy blue of her aura, he saw Einde focus, putting more energy into her shield. " _Janken guu!_ "

He swung below him, fist careening with twisting yellow toward the shield. With his strike, he felt the shield crumble as the Nen struggled against each other, Einde's bending back before breaking. The shield shattered inward, with shards falling down to the ring.

Einde dispelled the Nen and breathed in as she diverted her focus from holding up against his strike. Gon was once again falling through the air and, as he did, he charged up another strike of rock.

"Frustrated?" Einde shouted as the whip curled into being.

She pulled her hand back. As Gon fell toward her with his own ball of energy, she ready a quick and precise strike that hurdled toward his fist. The whip flew through the air toward him and twisted around his fist, trapping it as she dodged out of the way of his fall. She pulled him down to the ring, and Gon twisted in the air so he wouldn't land on his back. Instead, he landed heavily on his feet, which in itself was so loud it sent Coco howling in excitement. Gon closed the distance between himself and Einde quickly as she took a moment to dispel and recall her Nen. He hardened the Nen around both of his fists and took one solid swing at her.

The hit landed, hitting her in the diaphragm, and Gon could hear the breath rushing out of her with the hit.

The heat of the whip curled up his leg and tugged him down, banging his back against the ring.

"Had enough?" She said, as loud as she could while catching her breath.

Gon grinned up at her as he pushed himself up, using his Nen to get him up quicker and easier than he would have been able to.

She curled back her arm to strike him with the whip again, but he acted quickly, shooting out a leg to sweep under hers and knock her over.

Einde hit the ring with a cough, and she held up her hands again.

"Okay," she said. "I yield."

The referee called out with a hand in the air.

"The winner is Gon!"

* * *

The end of Battle Olympia's first day came with merchants scattered about selling treats and goods. Gon, at one of the stalls, saw a plushie of himself being hawked to some enthusiastic younger patrons.

"Gon!" Coming at him, Knuckle waved, one hand barreling through the air back and forth while he held aloft a dog carrier in the other.

"Good job on your fights! I look forward to seeing what you can do tomorrow!" The man was grinning, and his pompadour was swaying in his excitement.

"It's nice to see you again too, Knuckle," Gon said. "Did you seriously bring a dog to Heaven's Arena?"

"Hey! Don't say it so loud or you'll alert security." Knuckle's hand collided with Gon's shoulder, gripping tight in a comforting gesture. "It is nice to see you again. Been a while. A couple months?"

"Just about," he nodded, recalling the quick get-together they had at that coffee place nearby. "How's Pixie doing?"

"She's doing a lot better! She's starting to do her business outside rather in my bathtub, which has left me less time cleaning and more time training."

Gon nodded, remembering the photo from last time of the small black puppy with heterochromic eyes and a neon pink collar.

"Gon!" From behind them, Zushi had called out. His belt was a slightly lighter color.

"Ah!" Gon said turning slightly. "That's the, um, wine red belt right?"

Zushi looked over at Knuckle, clearly exasperated. "Okay, I'll give you one more chance. And I'll give you a hint: this is my socializing _gi_."

Gon paused for a second. He honestly had no idea what any of the words that Zushi ever used to describe his belts meant, nor did he remember that Zushi even _had_ a socializing _gi._

"It's... Cherry? Cherry red?" He struggled, the act of thinking through different shades of red more painful than the act of colliding against Einde's shield. Zushi looked more annoyed.

"Apple, isn't it?" Said a familiar voice behind him, followed by a single pair of footsteps.

Zushi's eyes lit up.

"Killua! I'm glad to see you again!"

Gon turned around.

Killua waved, shifting his weight to one side nonchalantly. "Yo."

It was Killua and Alluka, to be precise, and ten years had done its work on them both.

Alluka had been stretched tall, accentuated by a long skirt worn beneath her ribs and a crop top, dark red and white. She was wearing her hair up in a bun and waved at all three of them gathered.

"Hello!" She said to them happily, blue eyes sparkling.

Beside her was Killua. Who he hadn't seen in ten years. Who had grown up to be long-limbed but Gon could see iron strength hidden beneath his pale skin. His clothing was black—a turtleneck with a leather jacket, pants tailored to his legs with slashes down the front. He'd grown his hair out and had it pulled up behind him in a ponytail. He'd pierced his ears at some point and had a few rings pricked up the shell.

Unfortunately, Killua was as beautiful as ever, and Gon was falling all over again.

" _Thank_ you," Zushi said. "Yes, _Gon_ , the belt is _apple_ red. Not _cherry_. You heathen."

Killua laughed at that. Gon really missed him.

"I don't remember ever seeing this side of you, Zushi," Killua said, folding his arms over his chest.

"Yes. To be fair, I was ten and did not know the importance of a good _gi._ Now I am older and wiser. How have things been for you, Killua?"

He shrugged, his head tilted to the side. Gon's eyes were drawn to the gentle swish of his hair as it followed the movement.

"Been getting older and wiser myself, I guess," he said. "Your matches were fun."

Zushi lit up. "You watched our matches?"

The thought that Killua had been here, at Heaven's Arena, the entire time surprised Gon. He hadn't seen him come in. He figured he would've seen a giant blimp enter the city, unless Killua was using some other means of transportation these days. Was he? Gon desperately wanted to know. He wanted to know everything. Everything that had changed and everything that had stayed the same and all of the things that had happened.

"Yeah," Killua was saying. "Alluka was really excited to come in and see the sights, so we got here a little early. Been in the crowd all day. You didn't see us?"

Both Gon and Zushi shook their heads.

"Yeah," Knuckle piped in. "I thought I saw you guys during intermission. You were getting snacks."

Alluka nodded. "The kettle corn here is really good."

Along with the thousands of questions that were knocking against Gon's head like hail on a tin roof, he was fighting against thousands of different impulses. He wanted to rush forward and pull Killua—who was now a taller, elegant, beautiful human—off of his feet and swing him around and tell him how much Gon missed him and how worried he was that he wouldn't even come today.

Their eyes caught, Killua's so blue. Like the sky, blue. And so deep, so clever. He'd always been so clever. Gon saw a thought moving behind those eyes that asserted itself when Killua made to speak.

"You know what?" He pulled a plain wallet out of his pocket and handed it to Alluka. "Why don't you go get some more? Stay with them. We'll be right with you."

Gon only barely caught Alluka's glance at him and subsequent laugh.

"Sure, bro," she said, taking the wallet and ushering Knuckle and Zushi along. "See you when you catch up."

"Don't spend all my money," Killua quipped at her.

Alluka waved the wallet in the air. "We'll see."

As the three disappeared into the crowd, Killua turned slightly to Gon, and it felt as though this were the first time all evening Killua had truly looked at him.

"So uh," Gon started, but he didn't really know where to go from there. Killua smirked at him. A really familiar, snarky thing that Gon was glad to see hadn't changed.

"You looked like you wanted to talk," Killua said. "Wanna head out and find somewhere you won't be ambushed by admiring fans?"

Gon blinked. "That hasn't happened."

Killua nodded somewhere behind him; true enough there were a few people wearing shirts with his name and face, but they didn't look how Killua was implying. Feeling a hand grab his wrist, he turned back and let Killua tug him along through the crowd, the action itself precluded by a soft 'follow me.'

They ended up leaving the main floor of Heaven's Arena. Killua brought him to the elevator and gestured to the buttons.

"Let's go up," he said, almost absently.

Instinctively, Gon pressed the number for his floor. The number glowed gold under the blunt of his index finger. Killua was looking at him with that look, that analytical look he used to get whenever he was trying to figure out a tough opponent or some kind of puzzle. Gon didn't think he was either of those things. In fact, Killua was far more mysterious than Gon could ever be.

The elevator dinged with every tenth floor they passed, so Gon knew that it was around forty floors up that Killua finally spoke again.

"You got your Nen back," he said.

Gon nodded, making a small noise of affirmation in his throat. "Yeah. It took a lot of training. I couldn't do it all at once like last time or..." Well, Wing had been better at explaining it, but Gon would certainly try. "I'd probably break myself."

It looked like a word lived and died in a brief moment on Killua's mouth, and Gon thought he knew what it was. _Again._

Not that he hadn't heard that whole tirade from Wing, who upon hearing _how_ Gon had lost his Nen was none too happy with him.

"It's clean," Killua said after a moment. "It looked good out there."

"Thanks." He didn't really know what else to say. "You and Alluka been doing okay?"

A quick tug on the corner of Killua's mouth was covered by his fist as he hid a laugh in a cough. "I mean," he said. "I try to keep you up-to-date, but yeah. We've been alright."

"And the airship?"

Killua shrugged. "I got a car a couple of years back. It's proved more efficient in many ways. Like gas. Much easier to get gas for a car than for a blimp."

The elevator ringed just before Gon spoke again. "You tell me you're okay, but like. What have you been up to? Like the car. You didn't say you got a car."

"I didn't know you were fighting in Heaven's Arena again until a week ago." Killua said. The words were confrontational, but his tone was cool, almost casual. His face too, Gon noticed, all this time he'd given next to nothing away about how he was actually feeling. Gon wondered how much Killua was reading off him.

"I still don't know what you've been doing." Gon knew he sounded a bit exasperated, but he couldn't help it.

Killua was quiet for a moment, and Gon swore he nearly saw a veil of feeling flicker on his face before it was quickly and skillfully demolished. "I've been taking jobs. Working as a black list hunter. Close to getting a star at this point, I bet."

"And Alluka?"

Killua shrugged. "She's been majoring in psychology. Likes to tell me about what she's learning. She's trying to become a therapist."

Gon nodded. "That sounds cool."

"It doesn't," Killua said with a smirk. "But I'll tell her you said so anyway."

The elevator chimed twice more before either of them spoke again.

"Kurapika and Leorio are getting married," Gon said without much ado.

"I know. Leorio and I talk."

Gon did his best to crush down all the thoughts of jealousy that mustered in him at that simple sentence. After all, he talked to Leorio too, more than Killua. Was it that Leorio didn't tell him about it?

"What about?"

Killua was staring at him. "Work mostly."

That's right. Leorio was a Zodiac. He had a say in the things hunters did, and if Killua was working as a hunter then of course they would talk.

Killua picked up the threads of conversation before they fell again, after the full silence that followed his response, akin to thunder in the small elevator.

"And Zushi? He must be glad he's finally at the top. How long did that take?"

"He got up there a couple years before me, so six now. He got really into belts a couple years back, and now I have no idea what he says most of the time."

Killua blinked. "Is that why he asks you about shades of red?"

"You see, I'm not convinced they're all shades of red. Like 'burnt umber.' That's not a color."

"It is," Killua said under a laugh. "Arguably either orange or red. I'd say orange, but that's a semantics argument to have with him another day."

Killua leaned back, resting his arms against the elevator's railing. He looked like he was slowly relaxing, but Gon could tell he was still on edge. Which wasn't a pleasant thought. What could he possibly have to be worried about? Memories he didn't want to remember tried to dig themselves up, but he stifled them quickly. He felt like a coward for doing so, but he'd already dug his way through them and patched himself up on the other end. Had Killua done the same? Gon hoped so. He really hoped so.

As he went to speak again, the elevator's dumb little chime went off again and made him freeze. But he felt committed, so he tried again.

"I missed you a lot," he said, and he meant it with every fiber of his body. And he felt how intensely he felt it, with all the rushing words and the twining of his spine as he saw Killua tense. "I'm glad you came today. I've missed talking to you, and it's great to see you again."

Those blue eyes turned to him, a striking mirror of a time he wondered if they'd forgotten. They looked at him like they looked at him all those years ago in Antokiba or on Whale Island or on Kukuroo Mountain. As though Killua were suddenly assured that he were there, as though Killua felt the shock of someone else looking right at him.

The light that had filled those eyes flickered out as soon as it lit, however, and the hope that it ignited within Gon died all the same.

"I've," Killua said slowly, not looking at him anymore. "It was weird at first, I guess. Not having you around, but after a while, I got used to it. Kind of had to."

Gon didn't say anything. He didn't know what he could say. He felt the words like a hammer strike against his head.

"I missed you too," Killua said, voice soft. "Even after I got used to it, I missed you too."

His hand moved without him knowing it, but soon after Killua's confession, Gon had set it on his arm, gently, looking carefully at Killua as his thumb started to move. Killua neither moved away nor moved any closer, so Gon didn't push it.

"It was hard not to," Killua continued, though Gon could only barely hear him now. "It's been ten years, huh? Ten years, and I still..." His breath caught, and Gon felt himself surge forward, wrapping his arms around Killua.

He exhaled as though out of shock, but it only took a moment for Killua to hug him back, face tucked into Gon's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Gon whispered into the air behind Killua's head.

Killua's hand gripped tightly at the back of Gon's tanktop, the tips of his fingers poked against the skin and muscle, hard enough to feel, but not hard enough to leave a mark.

"It's not something to apologise for, stupid."

Gon had almost forgot how much he missed Killua calling him stupid. It felt like a warm, comforting thing, floating in the air and falling around him, encompassing him.

The doors to the elevator opened with a sharp ding that shattered the soft warmth that had begun to encase Gon's skin. Killua pulled back, his eyes still clear, but deeper now. As though something had uncovered them and Gon was standing on the edge of a pool, looking down. As much nervousness as he saw, as much anxiety, and sadness, and raw anger simmering at the depths, he saw hope and caution. Gon couldn't stop himself from feeling hopeful again either, especially as he realized that his hands on Killua's arms, and Killua's on his back, felt akin to a lover's embrace.

He could hope it. He had dreamed it often enough to hope it, and he would let himself do so, as hope, he feared, was all he would ever have.

Gon led him from the elevator and brought him to the first door on the hallway.

"Uh," he said, articulately. "These are my rooms. It's the whole floor, really, but this is where you go in."

"Yeah, Gon, I gathered that."

Killua's hand had slipped down, and rested now at his wrist. He held gently, as gently as he spoke just now, with that soft tenderness and rawness. Gon could feel his heart thud one single, solid time in his chest at that voice. It was exactly what he was missing, along with all of Killua's sharp edges, that kind heart.

Gon's rooms, as he left them, were a bit cluttered. He'd packed them full with memories and all the bits of the people around him. Zushi had a spare _gi_ in the closet. He had a pair of Wing's glasses in a drawer in the kitchen. He had a picture of himself and every Floor Master he'd met, even the ones that were overthrown, hung up on a corkboard in the corner. Kurapika even had some books he'd left behind on a bookshelf in the living room, and Leorio had left three separate briefcases here. A large quilt made by the quilting club back on Whale Island made its home resting on the back of the couch. He had one of Ging's scarfs hung up on the coat rack and one of Kite's hats. Relics from old friends and new friends were scattered about, but what itched at his mind in particular was that picture of Gon, Alluka, and Killua at the World Tree, hung up on his fridge around grocery lists, magnets of various animals and phrases, and an old newspaper article about Ging Freecs.

"Huh," Killua said as he glanced around. "Homey."

Gon thought it was an apt enough description.

Killua made his way across the room, and seeing him standing in the midst of all the things he owned and the things owned by people he loved, Gon couldn't help but think that he looked like he belonged here too. Like he fit into the scene so perfectly that it would be criminal to try to remove him.

"You wanted to talk," Killua said, taking a seat on the couch and running his hands over the quilt.

"I said a lot of what I wanted to say, to be honest." He shrugged. "On the way up. I have really missed you, and I do want to know what you've been up to."

"If that's so, I really did come for one reason, and it wasn't to watch you fight." Killua's hands danced around one part of the quilt, a skillfully embroidered fish swimming in a silk river. Gon blinked.

"What did you want then?"

"To get this..." He waved vaguely as he thought. "This weight off my back, I guess. To see if certain things were still true, and if they were, to see what I could do about them."

Gon quickly carried himself into the room and sat down across from Killua, on top of the coffee table. It made a worrying creak but nothing came of it.

"Is something bothering you?" He asked carefully, and Killua turned to him, eyes narrowed before he reached forward and grabbed one of Gon's hands by the palm. His eyes traced over the skin—the callouses and the lines.

"You can throw me out for what I'm about to say, if you want," Killua said. "I won't hold it against you."

Gon frowned, not knowing what to expect. Killua breathed steadily as he released Gon's hand.

"I've been in love with you since we were twelve."

Three emotions began pounding at Gon's chest all at once. Hope burning brightly, surprise screaming, and the overwhelming desire to dance and yell and sweep Killua up into his arms all flooded through him.

"Me too," Gon said, instead. "Well, not twelve, but yeah. Twelve and a half."

Killua blinked at him. "Like. Gon I'm don't mean it in the sense of 'you're my friend so I love you.' I mean it, like, sometimes I think about you randomly during the day, and it makes me so overwhelmed that I want to scream."

Gon nodded. "Yeah, that's how I mean it too. When I saw you after the fights, I wanted to kiss you because well, it's you, and you've gotten really pretty."

Killua's face reddened. "I'm not pretty, I'm punk. It's an aesthetic."

"It's pretty on you. But honestly, I didn't know what to say when I saw you. I didn't know how to speak."

Killua frowned. "You think you're slick; I almost forgot to breath when you came out for your first fight until Alluka punched me in the side!"

They sat in silence for a moment as the confessions simmered.

"So you've been in love with me this entire time?" Gon asked.

"Yeah. I tried not to on multiple occasions, but it's... It's the only thing I haven't been able to kill."

Gon grabbed Killua's hand. "Despite all the implications to that, that's kind of romantic."

Their fingers intertwined, curled together in the space between them.

"I think I've wanted to kiss you for as long as I've known I wanted to kiss anybody," Gon said. "I used to think about it. I used to think it was weird but I would think about what it would be like to kiss you. Like. When I was sixteen and feeling lonely, I would think about you, and you'd tease me about it." The hypothetical teenage Killua that his sixteen year old mind had made up was pretty too, and probably would have laughed at him for admitting this. The Killua in front of him now just smiled softly and pushed his fingers into Gon's hair, leaning forward from the couch so that their eyes locked and their faces lined up.

"I wouldn't mind if you wanted to kiss me," Killua said.

"Now?"

He nodded. "Now's fine."

Gon pushed forward and did just that, pushing their lips together. Killua's lips were a little chapped, but Gon knew his own were coarser. Of course, when they collided it stopped mattering as much as he thought it would. It was wet and warm, and he felt the wrinkles of Killua's pursed mouth press against his own and the weight of it sent hot strikes of lightning running underneath his skin as he tilted his head and tried to get closer.

He didn't want to let go of Killua's hand, and Killua wasn't pulling it away so he held tighter. And Killua pulled tighter at him, the hand in his hair gripping tiny pinpricks at his head that felt exhilarating as he tried hard to get closer. He brought his hand to Killua's jaw and held him, feeling the smoothness of his skin, and he let his hand trail back. He ran his fingers over Killua's earrings, feeling the skin-warmed metal against his fingertips. Killua's hands pushed at Gon's hair, pushing it back as he pulled himself forward, bringing his legs closer to Gon's. Gon's knees touching his thighs. He could only just feel the seams on the pants through the fabric of his sweats, and it prickled something in his bloodstream to think of it.

He curled his hand around Killua's head, tangling it in the mass of hair before the ponytail holder, which made Killua start to pull back. Gon kept him close.

"Don't," he started as Killua's hand pulled out of his.

"Give me one second," he said as he reached back, pulling his hair from the holder and letting it fall against his shoulders. Killua slipped the holder over his wrist and looked at Gon expectantly.

Immediately, Gon took to kissing him again, and Killua repositioned himself, hands gripping Gon's arms as he pulled him closer, to the couch. Gon let himself go easily, and landed nearly on top of Killua, which seemed to be exactly what he wanted. He pushed himself up, back towards Gon and captured his mouth again, this time in an open kiss.

Gon didn't know entirely what he was doing, and he would admit that easily, but he knew what felt right and what felt right was sticking his tongue into Killua Zoldyck's mouth.

Killua's hands wandered, smoothing against the curvature of his muscles and bones, and it set every nerve in Gon's body alight.

"What," Killua muttered, between kisses, "do you want?"

Many different ideas flooded him all at once, like a tidal wave whipping around and surging through him, like the heat of his blood and the steady thumping of his heart beat hammering deeper and deeper in his stomach. There was more thrill to this, it seemed, leaning on his couch over the man he'd been in love with for thirteen years, than there could ever be in a fight.

"I like kissing you," he said, resolutely. "I like feeling your hands on me. You have really nice hands. I like..." He liked having Killua lying underneath him. He liked seeing those neat white locks trailing down the side of the sofa. He wanted to wrap them up in his fists. He wanted to see what Killua looked like underneath all that dark clothing.

"You should take off your jacket," Gon said, sitting up, only slightly registering that he was technically straddling Killua right now. "And the sweater."

"Oh?" Killua hummed with interest in his voice. He shrugged the jacket off his shoulders and pulled his arms from the sleeves. "And then what?"

The jacket was flung onto the coffee table, and Killua began to pull his sweater over his head. Gon couldn't help but notice all of his muscles, and his abs, and the few scars that darted down his torso. He reached out towards one, and traced it, pathing its way down Killua's side. Killua froze, his breath stilling for a moment as Gon touched him.

With sudden realization, Gon pulled his hand away. "Sorry, I just..."

Killua shook his head. "No, just tickles. I'm not embarrassed by them or anything."

"Oh," Gon muttered, and brought his hand back to Killua's chest. He touched the soft, tough skin and watched as his chest fluttered with shallow breaths.

"You should," Killua started, stuttering the words slightly. "You should take your shirt off too."

Gon did so quickly and easily, pulling the tank top over his head before returning to his diligent study of Killua's chest. When he looked, he saw Killua's eyes fluttering, scanning over his own body.

"Can I kiss you?" Gon asked, his voice low.

Killua nodded.

"Not your mouth?" He clarified.

Killua nodded in a way that seemed a little more enthusiastic.

Gon leaned down, their chests brushed together and he could feel the flutter of Killua's heartbeat against his skin. He knew Killua could feel his too, as he pressed his mouth to Killua's neck, opening slightly. He kissed and sucked along the strand of muscle and vein, let his teeth brush against the skin. He listened to Killua's quivering intakes of breath as he moved his mouth along to his shoulder. Kissing, biting his way down the skin, and moving to his chest.

Killua's chest rose and fell, underneath him as Gon pressed his mouth then to Killua's clavicle, running his tongue along the distinction of bone. He placed his hand along Killua's ribcage, feeling more vividly now the compression and expansion of his lungs. The very human nature of it. Gon moved lower, kissing along the flat of his breastbone into the hollow under his ribcage. He trailed down pressing his mouth to the scars on Killua's stomach to the hardness of his hip bone.

"Gon," Killua muttered and Gon pushed himself up, looking again at Killua's face. He was flushed, looking a little wretched. Killua grabbed at his shoulder and held him tightly. "Let me kiss you too. I've also... I also..."

The final bit of white heat dropped into Gon's stomach, and he felt his entire body start to catch fire. Of course. Of course. He definitely wanted Killua to do the same to him.

"Do," he managed to say, "whatever you want. You can... You can do whatever you want to me, Killua, and I know I'll like it."

Excitement flashed in Killua's eyes and he pulled himself up, slipping up close to the arm of the couch and laying his hands flat against Gon's chest. His eyes skimmed down his skin before he pressed forward.

His mouth was heated against his skin, but Gon was burning hot too. Killua's hands trailed down his sides to the waistband of his sweats. His thumbs hooked over the fabric as his teeth scraped against Gon's nipples. The movement was slow, sweet, and left a bright flicker of electricity rushing through Gon's blood that he couldn't be entirely sure wasn't because of Killua's Nen. That would be fun, for sure, and Gon needed to remember, through this foggy haze of hormone, that he wanted to try that sometime. Because he definitely wanted to do this again. With Killua. Specifically with Killua.

Killua continued to tease at Gon's nipples with his tongue and teeth, licking and biting at the skin as his fingers rose and flattened against the small of his back. Killua pulled back and looked at him with deep blue eyes and blown out pupils.

"Is it okay? If I touch you a little more?"

"Please." Gon didn't need to think about his answer. "Can I touch you too?"

Killua nodded. "Let me just..."

His hands pulled back toward him, undoing the button and fly on his jeans before he wriggled out of them. The tight fit looked great on him, obviously, but Gon could tell they were a pain to get off. With a quick movement, Gon tugged off his sweats as well. Penny, pound, and all that.

Killua's hands and mouth returned to him. His mouth latched onto his neck, with a nip and a kiss, and his hands had dipped down to Gon's thighs, mapping over the muscle and flesh.

As Killua lifted himself up from the couch, Gon started to explore for himself, running his hands along Killua's back as Killua kissed his neck. He felt the strong, relaxed muscle as it flexed under his skin. His hands fell, dancing lower until they traced against Killua's lower back. Gon felt a puff of breath against his throat and dug his fingers into the skin. The small exhale turned into a quick one, and Killua rested his head against Gon's shoulder.

"Fuck," he whispered. "That's not fair."

"All's fair," Gon answered, setting his hands on Killua's hips and tracing them upward as Killua began counter-attack. His hands came forward and Gon felt a twinge across his skin as Killua's thumbs rubbed against his nipples. The one he'd been kissing was a little numb, already hard, but tingled with the sensation, while the other bristled, alight with nerves he barely registered normally. Gon's hands trailed lower, brushing over the smooth fabric of his drawers and latching onto the back of his thighs. Gon pushed at the skin, kneading it under his fingertips as Killua sent a rush of bright awareness through his body with the harsh roll of his thumb.

He had just about had it, reaching up to pull Killua's face towards his again, guiding with his hand at his jaw as their mouths met again. He continued his surge forward; Killua's back was returned to the couch, and Gon knelt over him again. He pushed his whole body forward and their hips collided. Gon was fully aware of the situation arising for both of them.

Killua pushed a little at his chest, and he released the kiss, meeting his eyes again. Killua was blushing, and Gon wondered if he was blushing too. He may have been, or perhaps his whole face was red.

"How do you..." Killua started, then frowned at the words. "You should know I'm ready and down for anything you want to do next."

"Do?" Gon realized he hadn't entirely thought through the situation, and the making out on the couch thing while gradually losing more and more of their clothes. He decided that it would be fine, wherever the chain of events took them.

"Like. Getting off." Killua's fingers tapped rhythmically on Gon's shoulder. "I could suck you off if you wanted. Or, um, anything else. I, uh..." Killua seemed to be struggling a bit with the words, but Gon didn't interrupt. "I may or may not have lube in my jacket."

"Where?"

Killua's face would have gotten redder, if that were possible. "In the inner pocket. There's a little bottle."

Gon leaned over, plucking up the jacket and locating the small bottle. It fit easily in his hand, a long and blue thing with a snap-top.

"Do you just carry lube with you?" Gon found himself asking, and Killua frowned at him.

"No, I don't. I just..." He didn't continue the thought, which was a shame because Gon wanted to hear it. Dropping the jacket back onto the table, Gon turned back to Killua, very aware of how their position made them brush and press against each other.

He looked between the bottle and Killua for a moment before setting it to the side and leaning down, bringing their faces closer.

"We'll use it later. I'm not done yet." Gon's voice was low as he spoke before he pushed their mouths together again. The kiss was open, and Gon decided that was how he liked it. He felt the rumble of Killua's moan rattle through his skin when he let his hands continue to trail along his sides, and slip under the waistband of Killua's underwear. He pulled his hips back so he could pick Killua up a little, a bit of an awkward position, but Gon wanted to kiss him and he wanted to touch Killua's ass, so sometimes these sacrifices had to be made.

He covered his lower back with the broad of his hand before letting it trail lower.

"Goodness, Gon," Killua muttered against his mouth. "Just take the damn things off."

Gon laughed. "This is half the fun, though." His hand fell down, slipping under fabric and grazing his skin, slipping to the tuck between his thigh and ass. He pulled hard, bringing their bodies together again as he kissed into Killua's mouth, licking at his tongue. He moaned again, and Gon couldn't hold back his own reciprocal sound as their two erections ground together. Gon swallowed the sounds Killua made as he started to rock his hips.

Killua relaxed back against the couch, and a brief glance at his face showed him how red he'd gotten. Gon rocked himself closer again, pulling away again from Killua's mouth. They'd gotten hot, spit coated his lips, and Killua was looking at him with hooded eyes that made him feel immortal.

"Take them off," Killua said in a low, rough voice that made Gon want to stop breathing, so he obliged, pulling his boxers down and depositing them somewhere on the floor. For a moment, he didn't move, seeing Killua's eyes on him, so while he allowed Killua to take in the view, he claimed his own.

Killua's hands had fallen from his chest and had made their way to his forearms. He was breathing hard with his lips, glossy with spit, slightly parted. His hair had lost the calm it had from the pony tail and was now starting to resemble something a little more Killua-like. His pupils blown, he looked at him carefully, as though he were studying every bump and ridge of him.

Slowly, Killua's hand made its way to his own waistband and he lifted himself slightly off the couch. As he dropped his own boxers on the ground, a realization suddenly flooded into Gon's head.

They were both naked. And Killua was under him, naked. He would be lying if he said he hadn't had a dream about this that resulted in him having to jerk himself off in the morning.

"Get the—" Killua started, stretching up and arching back, grabbing the lube from the end table. "How far do you want to go?"

Gon's head was blank as he reached forward and grabbed the bottle. He turned it in his hand as he looked back down to where Killua was stretched out.

"I..." He paused. "How far do you want to go, Killua?"

"I'm literally willing to do anything you want right now," he answered with a soft laugh. Then, he pushed himself from the couch, so he was sitting in front of Gon. He set his leg against Gon's side and leant against it.

Gon couldn't look away from him. "Y-yeah. That's. You can do what you want too."

Killua leaned forward and kissed him softly, his hands floating up to lightly glide along his jaw. "Touch me," he whispered against Gon's mouth.

Without thinking, Gon pushed him back down, placing himself between Killua's legs, opening them. He popped the lube open and did not miss the brief flash of Killua's tongue as he licked his lips. After pouring a bit of the lube on his open hand, he reached down and wrapped his hand around Killua's cock. He watched as a breath hiccuped in Killua's chest, his mouth opening.

"Yes," Killua breathed out as Gon started to pull his hand over the length, sliding easily over the skin. Gon placed a hand at Killua's hips, holding them as he noticed they had started to rock. He moved forward, hovering over Killua as he continued to slide his fist over and over, wrapping fluidly over the head and down to the base again. Gon leaned down as he worked, pushing his mouth against Killua's, taking into himself all the little breaths and noises that were escaping him.

He brought Killua to the cusp of orgasm before letting go again, inviting a low hum of discontent. He moved away and looked at him again, looked at his ragged breaths and hardened cock.

"I," Gon muttered, only loud enough for Killua to hear him. "I know what I want. Can... Can I—"

"Do whatever the fuck you want," Killua said, panting. "I'm still down. Whatever you want."

Gon grabbed his hips and pulled him up, slightly down the couch and poured the lube into his hand, coating it entirely, palm and fingers. Little experience that he had, he did know what to do, and had thought about it with Killua many times. He slipped his fingers in, feeling the tense ring of muscle that greeted him as he hid Killua to relax with a kiss on his head and mouth, moving across his face and trailing back to his ear. He bit around one of Killua's piercings, lightly as put his mouth on the shell of his ear. Crisp as anything, he heard Killua's intake of breath.

"Gon, that," he whispered. "More. Just, please. More."

Gon pulled his fingers back a little before plunging them back inside. Killua grabbed at him, hands on his arms, and fingertips squeezing as he tried to catch his breath as the sensations rushed over him.

"Stop teasing me," he said a little weakly. "Fuck me."

Gon did not relent, pulling in and out, slipping another finger into Killua as he felt his body tense and relax. He ran his teeth over the hard shell that had Killua taking in a breath suddenly. He couldn't help but grind his hips against Killua's while he moved his fingers inside him. Pushing himself against his hip, he felt his own blood rushing under his skin.

"Gon," Killua gasped out. "Please."

He replied with a kiss to his neck that shifted into rolling his tongue up the length of it until he made it back to Killua's ear. He put his teeth and mouth on the love, feeling the metal in his mouth as he tugged slightly.

Killua's legs curled around him, drawing him closer, and he gave in, finally.

He withdrew his hands from within, and set them back on Killua's hips, pulling them back up.

In a slow, easy motion, he pushed in, holding back his own moans at the feeling of pressure and heat encasing his cock. Killua's breath stuttered again, and he reached out, wrapping his arms around Gon's shoulders and pulling his face back to his.

As Gon pulled his hips back and re-entered him, he brought his mouth down to meet his, capturing his lips in a soft kiss as he again pulled out and in, feeling the way Killua's body responded to him.

"More," Killua muttered, words struggling against his need to breathe. "Please."

Gon let himself go a little faster, feeling Killua relax under him as he started to pull out and in, hearing the wetness of the lubricant slick between their bodies. Hearing Killua's soft breaths as he tried to hold back the groans Gon could hear die in his throat. He absorbed the soundscape of the room as he continued to rock himself into Killua.

More of a mercy than anything, Gon reached between the two of them and took Killua's cock into his hand again, tugging in time with each of his thrusts, and finally Killua let out a cry.

"I-" Gon said, not really knowing what he would say but speaking anyway. "Killua. Killua—"

His words flagged in time with Killua's panting breaths; the two sounds curled together in the heated air between them. Gon chanting Killua's name as he pushed and thrusted into him, and Killua's flowing groans as he was brought to climax.

"G—Fuck," Killua gasped out. "Gon." His eyes closed, and he leaned up, pressing his mouth against the side of Gon's. "Fuck."

Gon felt the heat building in within him, the sickly sweet swell of sweat that pricked at his skin. He kissed Killua's mouth as he felt his own orgasm overtake him. He continued to thrust as the dredges of it came, and as it ebbed, he pulled back, looking carefully at Killua's calm face.

Killua reached out and touched his cheek, his eyes narrowed.

"I'm staying here," he said, softly.

Gon nodded. "The bedroom's right over there."

Killua leaned back, arching to look behind that. "Bet it's more comfortable than out here," he said with a grin.

"Want to find out?"

* * *

The next morning was filled with some splendid sunny-side up eggs, a freshly brewed pot of coffee, a third round before breakfast, and a fourth round after. Gon especially liked how Killua had glanced around his rooms and surreptitiously left a key in the drawer of his end table. He wasn't supposed to know about it, and he didn't know what it was for, but it meant everything to him, knowing it was there.

Killua had left his hair down today as he dressed in yesterday's clothes and grabbed Gon's hand as they both left back towards the elevator. For all this, Gon felt elated, as though he were walking on clouds as they once again reached the main floor where they found Zushi, Alluka, Knuckle, Kurapika, _and_ Leorio all waiting for them.

To his credit, Killua didn't say anything snarky as he hopped out of the elevator and strode back over to Alluka. But then again, Gon would have sworn most of their friends were looking at him.

"Where's my wallet?" Killua said with his hand extended, and Alluka wordlessly deposited it back.

"You'll notice that you're 1150 Jenny short. 1130 of that was for my survival last night. All alone. Twenty was because you said I could have it."

Killua's eyes narrowed, but he relented. "I did. Twenty. What's the 1130 for?"

"A life-sized bodyguard teddy bear. It was important. I needed him."

Shoving his wallet back in his pocket, Killua shook his head. "Sure you did."

The other four, it seemed, were of the same mind as Alluka about what must have happened, and Gon tried to ignore seeing Zushi and Knuckle slip her twenties as well.

"Well," Kurapika said resolutely. "That's finally dealt with. Not like I've had to listen to both of you morning anymore. Did you even talk before boning?"

"Boning?" Killua said, offended.

"Did you?" Gon, maturely, countered. Kurapika frowned at him for a moment before passing his own twenty to Alluka.

"Seriously," Killua muttered to her, barely within Gon's earshot. "How many other bets did you make?"

Alluka lined the bills up and ran her thumb over them, eyes innocent as they turned up at her brother. "Just all of them."

Knuckle took him by the shoulder and Zushi tucked by his side as the two of them began to lead the group away from the elevators.

"Well," Knuckle said. "There are still two more days of Battle Olympia, so why don't we all bet on more interesting things. Like the matches."

"That might be illegal," Zushi piped up. "But go ahead. Payments to me."

Gon fell back for a moment as the group headed back toward the arena. Alluka's eyes fell on him for a moment before she caught back up with Knuckle and Zushi, falling between the two with a grin that spelled danger for their pockets. Killua fell into place walking by Gon, and reached out, fingers tapping against Gon's.

And because he was not a fool, Gon took his hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
